Aug 5, 2013

A Lot Of Things Going On The Moment

sometimes i don't want to grow up. I dont want to deal with consequences. I don't want to pull myself altogether heartbreak after heartbreak. I don't want to break down. I want to be sublimely happy, to be carefree. 
But I learned it the hard way that things don't always work out the way you want it to be. 
And the only thing you need to do, the only thing you can do is to accept it the way it is.
And this is me trying to accept it, to survive after it, because as my dear friend said, "Hard times will soon pass."

Jun 18, 2013


Wow. sixteen.
For years i've been imagining what it's gonna be like. Being sixteen. I always imagine that  it'd be fun, reckless,sleepless,pure wicked awesome- you know. The kind of sixteen we watch in the movies when we were kids. 
Anyway, no matter how much i've been waiting to be sixteen, today when i woke up at 01.00 am i weirdly not having any excitement towards today. I'm like, "uh huh, i'm 16 now. Can this year be any faster because i cant wait to have my own license. And please be nice, i'm going to be a senior this year. No crappy year god please. Oh my god. University awaits me. What am i going to do with this life of mine.."  
Is it just me or each year you begin to be excited less and less? Nothing has changed from yesterday except you are a year older and everyone congratulate you for being one year closer to death (my humor is slowly degrading so don't mind me please)
This year i'm just being realistic, i'm taking mental notes of what i'm going to do for a year and making better changes for my life. I hope i can achieve it though. 
As i'm typing in this early morning when hours earlier i woke up to prepare for my mom's surprise (we have the same birthday), i am recalling what i've been doing for the past 16 years. I'm just a really ordinary girl, sure i have some best points about me, but those things are also ordinary. I am nothing special, to think about it.I sound like i'm not being grateful for things god gave me arent i?
To tell you the truth. I am grateful. Being around with my family and best friends, no matter how cliche it might sound, it's a true blessing.
Sure my life isn't like what i've been thinking it'd be. But I've learned you cant have everything - and i accept it. If anything, my life has been great so far, maybe missing one or two dreams from what i thought i'll have years ago. But I could care less. Surrounded with happy people is what i need best, and life never disappoint me for giving me bunch of amazing human beings. 
Anyway i'd take back about being ordinary. I'm awesome as hell. And i'm going to rock this sixteen.
(and I'm happy that my life isn't as pathetic as sixteen candles- god, that must've been devastating- and now i can sing sound of music's "i'm sixteen going on seventeen~")

the sixteen year old bday girl,